Hello folks and welcome back to everyone’s (some people’s) favourite segment (tolerated blog posts)! It’s another quiz! In honour of my best friend and I now being fully jabbed with boosters, I thought we would have a little fun at the expense of anti-vaxxers. The usual disclaimer still applies: anything said in this post is strictly satirical and is not meant to be taken seriously. That being said, let’s proceed!
Today’s quiz is going to be a little different. You are going to play as either yourself or, if you aren’t autistic, as a miscellaneous autistic person. Each question will put you in a situation where you will have to make a decision. There will be 4 options to choose from so keep track of your answers. At the end of the quiz you I will guess which vaccine you must have had based on your answers. Good luck!
1. You wake up in the morning and go to make yourself some breakfast. You realise that you have run out of juice, which you always have with your breakfast. What do you do?
a. Get dressed and go to the shop
b. Have water / tea / coffee instead
c. Go back to bed and hope juice will magically appear while you are asleep
d. Cry
2. You are getting dressed for the day when all of a sudden your flatmate runs in and tells you that they are late for work and/or school and can’t find their deodorant and can they please borrow yours. What is your response?
a. “Yes of course, mistakes happen!”
b. “Not my roll on one, but you can use my spray one”
c. “No, but I think we have a spare in the bathroom”
d. “I don’t have a flatmate, so you must be a burglar”
3. You are getting ready to leave your flat and when you go to pick up your rucksack, you notice that a pen must have leaked and there is an ink stain on the bottom. What do you do?
a. Grab the cleaning supplies to clear up any spill on the floor / furniture and throw the bag (after emptying the contents) into the washing machine
b. Shrug and chuck some paper towels in the bottom to soak it up before carrying on anyway
c. Take out the contents, put them into a new bag, and decide to deal with the ink stain later
d. Swap the contents of your bag with the contents of your flatmate’s identical (but ink-free) bag and pretend it’s their problem
4. On your way to work the train you are supposed to get is cancelled. How do you react?
a. Turn around, go home and not go to work
b. Find the next train on the board and get that one instead
c. Climb onto the tracks and scream into the void until someone comes and asks you to move
d. Get the bus instead
5. During your lunch you nip into the local shop to get a £2.50 meal deal, however the light is broken and starting to flicker, thus rendering you unable to move for the pain. (In this situation you are autistic with a low sensory threshold.) What do you do?
a. Close your eyes and feel your way to the shelf and hope you picked up the right items
b. Turn around and forgo lunch for the day
c. Grit your teeth and ignore the assault on your senses while you grab that sandwich
d. Lie face down on the floor and do the worm to the counter, thus avoiding seeing any lighting from above
6. Oh no! You leave the shop and the weather has taken a turn for the worse. It is now raining and you don’t have a jacket on! How do you proceed?
a. Run back to work
b. Wait inside the shop and hope it passes soon
c. Walk back with the rain pouring down your face and pretend you are in a film
d. You always make sure you have an umbrella with you, so you pull that out instead
7. After work you are heading home for a well earned rest and a lovely hot meal. Unfortunately, you accidentally make eye-contact with someone that you know, and they take that as an invitation to talk to you. What is your reaction?
a. Pretend you don’t know them and yell “STRANGER DANGER” at them until they leave
b. Resign yourself to a few moments of small talk with them before making an excuse to leave
c. Pretend to get a phone call so you don’t have to talk to them
d. Panic and tell them an elaborate lie about why you can’t talk to them, involving 2 chickens, a fully grown oak tree, a hang-glider, and a small can of ginger beer
8. You get home and are about to start cooking your dinner when all of a sudden your wifi goes out, thus meaning you can’t look up the recipe. What is your plan?
a. Yolo it and see how much of the recipe you can remember
b. Go to your local library, look up the recipe, print it out, go home and cook it
c. Decide to cook something else that you know how to make
d. Summon a demon and politely ask them to look into resolving network connection issues
9. Eventually you manage to make some food, eat it and wash up. You decide to have a shower before getting your pyjamas on but it looks like you are out of hot water! What do you do?
a. Take a cold shower and hate yourself for it
b. Stand bent over and just wash your hair, ensuring your body stays dry
c. Decide to shower the next day and wonder why all your utilities are shutting off
d. Boil the kettle, mix it with cold water and wash yourself like this
10. You still have about half an hour before you go to bed. How do you spend this time?
a. Watching tv
b. Crying over the state of the world
c. Procrastinating on your phone
d. Reading
Results:
Mostly a’s: Pfizer BioNTech
You are a Pfizer person through-and-through. You relish in having a name that native English speakers find more difficult to pronounce. You can often be found sitting inside an industrial freezer and plotting a way to steal penguins from the local zoo to keep you company.
Mostly b’s: Moderna
Moderna? More like Modern-nah! You are an old soul, in fact, you were born in 1583 and worked as a local farm hand before a witch cursed you to an eternal life spent watching those you love die, only to be broken by true love. As you are aromantic, this is a bit tricky, so you wander this mortal plane hoping to come across a really cute dog that might do the trick instead.
Mostly c’s: AstraZeneca
If you got AstraZeneca then you were the coolest kid in school. Not only did you do cool things like ask the teacher for more homework, you wore cool things like a bright orange puffer jacket and ate cool things like crust-less sandwiches that your Mum made you. You were so cool that the only people cool enough to be your friends were the teachers; everyone else couldn’t handle your coolness.
Mostly d’s: Gamaleya / Sputnik V
Ah Sputnik V, the only one of the list that isn’t approved for use in the UK. I recently learnt from my friend that it isn’t pronounced “Spud-nik” and should be pronounced more like “Spoot-nik”, but given the only Russian word I can reliably say is “красавица” (which means “beautiful woman”) because was featured in Russia’s 2021 Eurovision entry, I’m not surprised that this information was hitherto unknown.
I Don't Look Autistic 