Hello folks, I thought I might try out a new type of post today! The nonsensical idea of putting autistic people in boxes is frustratingly pervasive, and however much the community points out the ridiculousness of it, the Karens of the world refuse to let it die out. (Note, you do not have to be named “Karen” to be a Karen, just as not all people named “Karen” are Karens.) Therefore, I decided that it would be fun to create some new categories that neurotypical people can file us under! I have created a quiz to help you work out which flavour of autistic person you are!
All you have to do is read the questions and choose the option A, B, C or D that you feel is best for you. Keep track of your answers and at the end of the quiz you will be able to see which type of autistic person you are!
Question 1: Which of these stereotypical autistic interests do you have?
Question 2: Are you a man?
b. I am taking a quiz about autism so of course I’m a man!
c. No, I’m a boy
d. No, I am a rare species of autistic non-man!
Question 3: Do you have feelings?
a. Nope, I exist only in a purely physical sense and do not experience any thoughts or feelings
b. I’ve had a few of them throughout my life
c. I’m not sure what you mean by “feelings”?
d. Feelings are for weaklings
Question 4: If someone dumped a load of jellybeans in front of you, how would you organise them?
a. By colour according to the order of the rainbow
b. By which flavours I like most
c. By groups, each containing one of every jellybean type
d. I would throw them at whoever dumped jellybeans in front of me
Question 5: As an autistic person, you are obviously a savant. What is your skill?
b. Highly realistic drawings
c. Perfect recall
d. Musical genius
Question 6: If your parent filmed you having a meltdown and put it online for sympathy, what would you do?
a. Nothing, you have no autonomy of self and every time you try to express an independent thought you are dismissed
b. Post a video of your parent sleeping with a patronising caption
c. Report them to the police for emotional abuse, get told you are overreacting and that you are autistic so you don’t deserve privacy and eventually end up mistrusting all authority figures
Question 7: What role are you playing in the conspiracy to vaccinate everyone and turn them autistic?
a. I am developing the toxins to ultra-autism everyone
b. I am kidnapping children and vaccinating them against their will, because that is something that definitely, for sure happens
c. I am whispering in the ears of big pharma to make sure they keep up the plan
d. I am promoting other conspiracies, e.g. fake moon landing, to make sure people don’t think too much about ours!
Question 8: Given you are autistic, there is no way you have friends. If you did have a friend, what type of friend would you want?
a. High functioning neurotypical
b. Low functioning neurotypical
c. I’m not comfortable around neurotypicals
d. I’m autistic, therefore I don’t want friends
Question 9: Why do you believe you are autistic?
a. I was vaccinated
b. The chemicals in the water
c. I’m not; it is just a big conspiracy
d. Maybe I was just born like this? (As if!)
Question 10: What do you think is the biggest problem for parents of autistic kids?
a. They aren’t getting enough sympathy
b. People are starting to understand that they shouldn’t get a medal for looking after their child, meaning they now aren’t getting as many medals to add to their collection
c. The kids are growing up and starting to realise that they are being forced through traumatic therapy and beginning to push back against them
d. People are speaking out against autism speaks, so they might have to return all their blue light bulbs
Pumpkin Spice Autism!
You are a pumpkin spice autistic person! As this quiz means nothing and the results are randomly chosen, feel free to assign your own characteristics to pumpkin spice. Maybe you are warm and smell nice or maybe you enjoy sitting in a field with cinnamon on your head. Who knows? It is up to you to decide!
Fresh Pine Autism!
Wow, you got fresh pine autism! Maybe it’s because you once saw a tree, maybe it’s because you picked this option because you like air fresheners. Both options are equally as valid! I’m gonna go ahead and say this means you are strong and have leaves sticking out of your limbs? Maybe I’m wrong. Just decide what you think it means and we’ll go with that!
Banana Bread Autism!
Ooh look at you over here with the banana bread autism! Maybe you have used lockdown to develop your autistic skills? Pulling random words off a quick google search for “human personality traits”, having banana bread autism means you are: ‘extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism‘
Cherry Blossom Autism!
Cherry blossom autism might be rare, or it might not, depending on how many people decide to pick this one. Cherry blossom autistic people are [insert characteristic here] as well as very [insert characteristic here]. They can often be found in [insert place] where they love to spend their time [insert hobby].
Fairly Even Mix:
You have ‘the scent of a new book’ autism! In case it isn’t immediately obvious, this means that you must either enjoy reading or not enjoy reading. You have probably seen at least 2 books and have maybe read one of them. I would say that this means you should watch out for Mars in the coming month, because there might be a 2-for-1 deal on with Mars bars and Snickers. (I can’t promise anything though.)
If you don’t feel that any of these categories really suit you, then feel free to make up your own result! Other suggestions I have are:
- Freshly showered autism
- Orthotic shoe insert autism
- Really pointy pencil autism
- Luminous yellow autism
- Those baby turtles that got confused by the city lights in that documentary and accidentally went the wrong way and could have been killed by oncoming traffic because we’re doing such a bad job protecting the environment and please, please can the big corporations start being accountable for their actions because if even Sir David Attenborough is worried then we should all be crying, but because of the society we live in the average person is frustratingly powerless and even if we all switched to paper straws (which isn’t possible because some disabled people need to use plastic and we should respect that and not sacrifice their personal welfare when the government can do so much more), then it won’t be enough and more turtles will run into traffic… autism
Anyways, if you have an idea about what type of autistic person you want to be, then feel free to leave a comment!
I hope you enjoyed the quiz!
** Disclaimer: this quiz is clearly making fun of the stereotypes of autistic people, and there is no way to be autistic. Even if you fit every stereotype then you are just as valid and loved within the community as if you fit none of them. I think it’s amusing and actually more informative to assign yourself something like “pumpkin spice autism,” rather than a high/low functioning label, but I understand that some of us may not like this approach and I respect that. There is so much negativity surrounding autism, especially with all the anti-vaxxers (or ‘pandemic enthusiasts’ as I like to call them), that I thought it would be fun to do something a little bit silly and light-hearted! **